Green Olive and Bacon Sandwich
by Chase Dermott, Education & Public Programs Manager
This looks… interesting.
Browsing “Pull Together” for our first ever EMOH@HOME post gave us more than just stuffed tomatoes.
I’ll be honest, when I saw the title of the recipe I thought it sounded salty and delicious. If you know me at all, you know I salt my salt. Additionally, sandwiches are my second favorite food group (you’ll likely experience my love for potatoes in the future, I’ll just warn you now). Seeing both bacon and green olives in one recipe was intriguing; this sounded like something that pretty much only I would like. That is, until I looked a little closer. Mayonnaise.
“Green Olive and Bacon Sandwich
1/2 c. stoned green olives, chopped
1/2 c. chopped fried bacon
1/4 c. mayonnaise
Mix the chopped olives, bacon and mayonnaise; add salt to taste. Butter bread slightly, using either brown or white bread, and spread with the olive mixture.”
To be fair, I don’t hate mayonnaise. I really do like it smeared lightly on bread, creating a tangy moisture barrier and adding a little zest to my sandwiches. However, what I couldn’t fathom is eating 1/4 cup of it in one sitting, let alone in one sandwich. But I knew there would be a time when I’d have to make something that, upon closer inspection, didn’t appeal to me. It’s safe to say we have arrived.
Knowing this recipe was coming, I saved 1/2 cup of chopped bacon from breakfast a few days ago. I already had mayo and sourdough bread in my kitchen, so I picked up some sliced manzanilla olives from the store and I was ready to go.
My first step was to pick every piece of stupid pimiento out of the sliced olives. This was time consuming but I wasn’t about to let even one of those slide. Gross. After ridding the olives of every shred of red, I gave them a course chop.
The rest of this process was simple. Add all three ingredients, mix together, pile on bread. Now, this is the point where I really started to question my decision. Am I really about to put 1/4 cup of mayo in this? Is it going to distribute itself nicely between the olives and the bacon so I don’t actually have to *feel* it? Grooooossss. I can’t even think about it.
Cheese and rice, you guys, look at it. LOOK AT IT.
At this point I think maybe I could just skim a big glob of it off the top and avoid this whole fiasco. “No,” I tell myself. “You can’t change the recipe to suit your taste until after you’ve tried the original.”
Duuuuuude. How do you undo this though? Like, how do I get this mayo out? This is it, people. I’ve made my bed and now I have to eat it for lunch.
To dress this nightmare up, I paired the green olive bacon monstrosity with Doritos because I don’t care about historical accuracy anymore. I just need to get through this.
Oh, dear Lorde here we go.
The first bite revealed the crunchiness and I distracted myself by trying to remember if I’ve ever had a crunchy sandwich before (the answer is no). I could taste the olives, as well, but the mayo was instantly overwhelming. The only way to get through this was with Doritos chasers between each bite.
The second bite was worse than the first. So much mayo, squishing around and obscuring all (okay, both) other flavors. Once again I managed to choke it down and slam Doritos like it was my job.
Bite three did me in. I was on the brink of an actual gag when I decided that this was not worth it. It was at this point that I cut my losses, got in the car, and went to Taco Bell.
What I’d keep: If you really love olives and bacon, you could probably chop them a little finer and mix them with something else entirely, like cream cheese or something. But seriously, I won’t be trying any other version of this. I’m traumatized.
What I’d change: Lose the mayo. For real. I guess if you love mayo with your whole heart you can go right ahead, but 12/10 would not recommend.
Cost: If you can snag 1/2 c. of bacon from another morning’s breakfast, you can make this for pretty cheap. Also, don’t forget to factor in the lunch you’ll have to buy after you throw this in the trash where it belongs.
If you decide to try this recipe (I highly recommend you don’t), be sure to post all about it and tag us on social media with #emohathome. We’d love to see it! And don’t forget to share this gem with your friends so more people can watch us embarrass ourselves for the sake of history.
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